So.. I was scrolling through FB and I finally saw JinnyboyTV & N.O.C's fantastic cinematography.
It really is, mind speaking. Not that it has to be on breakup in love, but relationships like friendships. We all have those days where we accidentally yet purposefully drift away from someone, something and somewhere. Moments that lead to long lost oblivion, like you found your freedom, found a new space, found some fresh air to breathe again.
I have to admit, I kinda live my mind and thoughts like those videos. I talk myself in and out of situations, analyze stuff and guessing the future. I would drift off to my own world, like a lonely soul floating around a beautiful night scape, 'cause honestly, night is the seduction of the heart, soul and mind.
Your mind, the place to feel lightweight and also the place to feel stressed out. All emotions felt, you can live it in your brain by imaginations.
Here's some example I do on regular basis.
If you observe me well, I often look up to the sky because it's just so beautiful, with or without clouds, stormy or not, starry or not, moonless or not, sunny or not, the sky makes my soul fly. I would just stare at it, admire whatever it has. It's like an endless void for your mind to go wild, your soul to run free, to feel non-existent for awhile, just so.. spacious.
I would look up and think to myself..
"What a wonderful day.. Hi, sky. You're looking beautiful once more. Your beauty never fails to amaze me, your simplicity makes every complications fade away."
And it's always nature that makes me feel this way, makes me think in the tone like the video up there. It calms you down and make you feel in control of the situation that's happening now. It's like you and yourself are two different people, but you can control yourself and yourself can't control you. That's why, I love to be with myself, figuring things out, making wild imaginations and have fun with my mind.. Simple pleasures makes me happy enough.
"Hey, the grass is in such luscious green! Beautiful!"
"Wow, the flowers are blooming! The wonder of nature is amazing."
"Ohmygosh, this view is fantastic! If only life would be this great."
"Birdies!! My mini dinosaurs, looking so retarded-ly cute."
"It would be awesome if every animal could speak English."
"The breeze is so soft, so relaxing, so calming, Daddy, how are you up there?"
"These little stars, twinkling in the dark. Beautiful night sky.."
"Look at that man dozing off! Must have been tiring today."
"Look at these people rushing for the train, squeezing and frowning. Why not be early, don't get a frown and sleep before work starts. If you are gonna be late for work/school, be late, then go ahead and take your time."
I'm often seen detached from the world, staring at one corner, making me looked worried over something and if anyone were to talk to me, I'm blurred out. At these moments, I'm thinking about life, my life, your life, human life, animal's lives, and the meaning of being alive. I think about the whys, I find the answers to satisfy, and it's all done in my mind. I could just live in this mental world for life, honestly. It's so much carefree, it's so much fun, and much of serenity.
The world's too chaotic.
What I want for my life, is to people watch everyday. Just sit down and look.. Look at how pathetic the world has become and spotting positive people, watch the day go by and have a good night's sleep.
Realization is an amazing feeling.
It gives you a clearer view of your life now.
For me, as much as I want to have a relaxing carefree life.. I don't really live the life I want, I just live the life I have to live in and trying to make it fit the life I want, as much as possible. I just go with the flow, even if I'm much of a failure in life.
'cause in the end, we die. We all, die.
No one's gonna remember like, OH! There was this girl who was called Wanqiu, didn't have job, she roam the streets, she lived off her parents, she tried her best and did her best in everything. Nobody liked her. She has a blog of her thoughts and life. She talks to herself.
Nope. No one's ever gonna notice this life of mine in the future, no one's gonna learn anything from my life. So, I'll notice and learn it myself. As long as I'm good with myself, I'm good.
If everyone knows how to appreciate and love, I swear, the world would be much awesome and there won't be much grievances.
I view my life like in the video, so that I can see what life wants me to see, I feel what life wants me to feel. I realise things I have to realise, I help people realise the things they've been pushing away and I love helping people to do what they think they can't, only the good things.
Life is not simple, of course. But it's made up of many simple things that everyone complicates it.
Like I said, mindless thoughts. I hope I don't ruin your brain.
Do note: I'm positively negative, I'm not doing self-pity, I don't want any encouragements, I just want you to realise that things can be this simple, happiness can be this easily achieved. After all, life is really just.. nothing to you in the end. Let it be, yet striving hard.
:)
Relationship.
Took me quite an effort to decide to write this down, because after all, it's a gamble, like a real gamble and there are only two possible outcome- success or failure, tied down or break up.But then, I thought, first experience, gotta remember/note it somehow, right?
I shall first start off with what I had expected of love or more on being in a relationship.
I realised that I've been mostly an advisor to my friends who are in need of a listening ear to rant off their problems in their relationship, so from there, I see more heartbreaks and break ups, I see people feeling hopeful and then depressed, and for myself, I started to fear about being in one... Because I don't want to feel what they have felt/are feeling, and neither would I want to end up pathetic and hopeless.
So, I told Allyn this, when we had our heart to heart talk after NDP, it was really a nice sister talk which I've never had..
For me, falling in love is like skating on thin ice. You need to fully trust the person to step on the rink, fully trust the person that if you fell right through the ice, he would be there to save you or even if he leaves for awhile, you trust that he'll be back with a rescue team.. He will and never let you drown. Neither should he ever let your hand go, and leave you skating alone.
SO DEEP RIIIIGHT. HAHHAHAS but that's honestly why I never accepted guys in the past, guys who confess or drop giant hints, I don't really trust myself to trust them. Most of the time, they're immature too. LOL
Of course, there are guys that I liked and crushed on but then I realized, those are just, plain admiration for who they are.
Through others' problem, I found out a lot of what is to be done in a relationship:
You can't do what you think/feel it's right without considering the other half.
You can't give/force high expectations to your other half.
You can't expect your other half to know what's on your mind.
You can't run away from the problems that are surfacing.
You can't always blame the other half for the problems.
You sometimes have to give in and be understanding.
Bottom line: Communication.
These are quite the basics of a relationship, it's like a game, there are tactics, it needs plannings.
Either you survive to the next round, or you game over. Slow, and steady.
From then on, I had my own demands/theories on how to treat my other half right. And maybe it's 'cause of my maturity that everything is common sense or make sense and damn easy to accomplish.
So, other than a good personality, the next two most important thing is honesty and communication. I don't care how hard the truth is to swallow, I just want to hear the truth, just say it 'cause one lie is enough to break my trust. Maybe I have high standards in love, but I really just want everything laid in front of me to see, unless you tell me you want to hide it, I'll let you, I'll let time to give you the option when to tell, at least I know something.
I told myself that I would want to be the best girlfriend a guy would ever want 'cause like I said, I know that I'm not those typical girls. I'm a lady, and I probably found my man. ^^
It's still a probably, and it will be a probably until I pass away. Same goes to him and everyone, it's a probably. Not being a cold water here!! But it is the truth!!!!
Side-track!
"I believe I can touch the sky~"
SPSLC's Welcome Party was such a success!! Really really loved my group, my new found motivations!! They're all so cute, so bubbly, so enthusiastic that I can't keep up with their hype!! HAHAHAHS It was an awesome day! :D
Haven't song-signed for a long time.. I do miss performing. :(
For now, I need to focus more on studies!! Reports and projects are piling up, but I'm glad for my efficient class, tho still awkward, we're a little bonded now. ^^
Interview's later, hope I get the job 'cause money is important to me now. I really really need it.. -sigh- But I hope they have a range of job scope for me to experience, gotta fight hard! Q(@.@Q)
Tah-tah!